What a year it’s been! Hopefully with the pandemic restrictions lifted and the start of summer, we are all breathing a sigh of relief. I’m certainly looking forward to traveling, seeing relatives and getting out without masks. The pandemic upturned our lives in so many ways, but now that there is a “sense of normalcy” returning, we may be tempted to kick back and really relax this summer. However, I would caution that in kicking back and relaxing, there are still chores that need to be done. So, why not include your children in taking ownership and helping out around the house? There is research that states that toddlers who are taught to “help out” around the house continue to help out as they age. Many children in indigenous communities grow up asking to help or just help out because it is needed. Wouldn’t it be nice if that were the case in the United States?
Jim Fay, co-founder of the Love and Logic parenting website, says that all of us need to feel needed and know we are making a contribution to those around us or to our world at large – even kids. In many families, chores are a tradition, but in others they have fallen by the wayside. Many upper and middle class families have hired household help, so the need to do chores isn’t as great, and fighting with children to do chores doesn’t seem worth it. Let’s face it, no one likes to do chores, but they have to get done. Psychologist Roger McIntire, author of Raising Good Kids in Tough Times, says, “A child has to have some responsibilities.” The family is a community, and everyone should chip in and help out. Helping out with family responsibilities and doing one’s own personal responsibilities are useful and necessary skills for a child’s development. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry states that, “there are benefits to including chores in a child’s routine as early as age 3. Children who do chores may exhibit higher self-esteem, be more responsible, and be better equipped to deal with frustration, adversity, and delayed gratification. These skills can lead to greater success in school, work, and relationships.” Research also shows that children who grow up contributing to the family responsibilities grow up to be adults who work well in collaborative groups and have a “can-do” attitude.
Helping kids learn that they have to do chores and that they are a part of life teaches them that it’s not just about me and what I need at this moment, but that I’m part of a system. I’m part of a family (I set the table). I’m part of my class at school (I clean up after an art project). I’m part of my sports team (I carry the bat/ball bag). I’m part of the workplace (I do my part). Humans crave a sense of belonging and connection, and helping others out and doing work for the good of the whole helps us understand why connection is important. The more we can do to foster this in our kids, the better off they will be as adults. Chores are a form of selflessness and help children develop a sense of responsibility and awareness of the needs of others. They begin to recognize that when they pick up, they can find their toys and they are grateful for the small things. Parents show gratitude when children do chores. Praise is good! Children feel appreciated and connected, and gratitude helps wire our brains to notice more things to feel thankful for, leading us to feel better overall.
Chores are powerful teachers. They help a child develop a greater sense of responsibility and awareness of the needs of others, and they also contribute to a child’s social and emotional well-being. Chores help children believe that they are competent and capable and help them develop greater self-esteem. Doing chores can also help children learn problem solving skills as well as the consequences of not doing their chores (i.e., not putting your baseball shirt in the laundry so it’s dirty for the next game). Chores are an excellent teacher of life skills. Knowing how to set the table, walk the dog, pick up toys, do laundry, prepare a meal, sweep/vacuum the floor, change a vacuum cleaner bag, etc., all help prepare a child for the responsibilities of adulthood. More involved tasks (i.e., cleaning out the garage) can be used in the development a child’s executive functioning skills, prompting them (perhaps with parent assistance) to figure out how to tackle the task in the most efficient, most systematic manner. And they learn about solutions that may be applied to a host of other life responsibilities.
Being a part of a family and taking responsibility for oneself and contributing to the family by doing chores is a powerful gift to give to children, even if they may not do the chores perfectly, may need to be reminded to do them, or grumble while they are doing them. It’s okay. Over time, these will lessen. Stay with it and help your child recognize and understand that life is work, and they have to be a part of the work of life.
If you aren’t having your child do chores now, consider it while the summer is here. It will help them out in many ways in the long run, helping them to be better functioning and more capable adults. If you need help figuring out which chores are age-appropriate, there are many lists online offering ideas and ways to assist in helping children do chores without too much complaining!
About the Author
NESCA’s Director of Consultation and Psychoeducational Services Dot Lucci has been active in the fields of education, psychology, research and academia for over 30 years. She is a national consultant and speaker on program design and the inclusion of children and adolescents with special needs, especially those diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Prior to joining NESCA, Ms. Lucci was the Principal of the Partners Program/EDCO Collaborative and previously the Program Director and Director of Consultation at MGH/Aspire for 13 years, where she built child, teen and young adult programs and established the 3-Ss (self-awareness, social competency and stress management) as the programming backbone. She also served as director of the Autism Support Center. Ms. Lucci was previously an elementary classroom teacher, special educator, researcher, school psychologist, college professor and director of public schools, a private special education school and an education collaborative.
Ms. Lucci directs NESCA’s consultation services to public and private schools, colleges and universities, businesses and community agencies. She also provides psychoeducational counseling directly to students and parents. Ms. Lucci’s clinical interests include mind-body practices, positive psychology, and the use of technology and biofeedback devices in the instruction of social and emotional learning, especially as they apply to neurodiverse individuals.
To book a consultation with Ms. Lucci or one of our many expert neuropsychologists, complete NESCA’s online intake form. Indicate whether you are seeking an “evaluation” or “consultation” and your preferred clinician/consultant in the referral line.
Neuropsychology & Education Services for Children & Adolescents (NESCA) is a pediatric neuropsychology practice and integrative treatment center with offices in Newton, Massachusetts, Plainville, Massachusetts, and Londonderry, New Hampshire, serving clients from preschool through young adulthood and their families. For more information, please email email@example.com or call 617-658-9800.