When Grandparents Become Parents Again

By February 10, 2020NESCA Notes 2020

By Yvonne M. Asher, Ph.D. 

Pediatric Neuropsychologist

Grandparents can hold a special place for any child. For some, though, grandparents play a central role in their day-to-day lives. When grandparents raise a child, it is often related to parental challenges, tragic circumstances or government intervention. This brings inherent, understandable stressors for grandparents. Additionally, grandparents face the more typical challenges of child-rearing, such as managing educational experiences, ensuring emotional well-being and navigating health care.

When concerns with educational achievement, behavior, emotional or social functioning arise, there are many obstacles with which grandparents must wrestle. Feelings of guilt may arise, which can stem from a variety of sources. Grandparents may question their own parenting practices, worrying about past “mistakes” in raising their children. They may be especially sensitive to shielding their grandchildren from exposure to risky situations that their children may have faced without their knowledge. Grandparents may struggle when grandchildren are given diagnoses such as ADHD, autism or learning disabilities, wondering if their children faced these same challenges without formal diagnosis or intervention. Many grandparents express understandable fears around their grandchildren’s future, particularly their level of independence. While many caregivers have concerns with the independence of the children in their care, grandparents are often acutely aware of the limited time they will have to support, counsel and assist their grandchildren through their young adult years.

In navigating the special education and mental health care systems, grandparents can face many complex situations. Complexity may be increased if grandparents are in a caregiving role due to parents’ substance use or dependence. Depending on the timing and extent of substance use, there can be long-lasting impacts on grandchildren’s educational, cognitive or emotional health. This can substantially increase the difficulties that grandparents encounter, both in terms of accessing necessary services and supports, as well as coping with the stresses of caregiving.

There are also a number of strengths that grandparents can bring to their time as caregivers. They may be more aware of their rights as caregivers within the educational system, seeking out services and interventions when the “first signs” of difficulty arise. They may have a broader perspective on the school system, potentially having raised children who went through the same schools in the past. With the wisdom that comes in later adulthood, grandparents may be more discerning and skeptical about the opinions of professionals. They may ask more pointed questions, with less reserve or fear. Grandparents may also have built stronger support networks and have deeper connections to community organizations. These strengths can serve grandparents well in managing the complex systems that all caregivers face.

Several states have created advisory councils or legislation specifically designed to support grandparents raising grandchildren. In addition, there are many resources available to grandparents who are caring for and raising grandchildren, including:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/grandparents-raising-grandchildren.htm

https://www.grandfamilies.org

http://www.massgrg.com/massgrg_2019/index.html

https://sixtyandme.com/resources-for-grandparents-raising-grandchildren/

 

About Pediatric Neuropsychologist Dr. Yvonne Asher:

Dr. Yvonne M. Asher enjoys working with a wide range of children and teens, including those with autism spectrum disorder, developmental delays, learning disabilities, attention difficulties and executive functioning challenges. She often works with children whose complex profiles are not easily captured by a single label or diagnosis. She particularly enjoys working with young children and helping parents through their “first touch” with mental health care or developmental concerns.

Dr. Asher’s approach to assessment is gentle and supportive, and recognizes the importance of building rapport and trust. When working with young children, Dr. Asher incorporates play and “games” that allow children to complete standardized assessments in a fun and engaging environment.

Dr. Asher has extensive experience working in public, charter and religious schools, both as a classroom teacher and psychologist. She holds a master’s degree in education and continues to love working with educators. As a psychologist working in public schools, she gained invaluable experience with the IEP process from start to finish. She incorporates both her educational and psychological training when formulating recommendations to school teams.

Dr. Asher attended Swarthmore College and the Jewish Theological Seminary. She completed her doctoral degree at Suffolk University, where her dissertation looked at the impact of starting middle school on children’s social and emotional wellbeing. After graduating, she completed an intensive fellowship at the MGH Lurie Center for Autism, where she worked with a wide range of children, adolescents and young adults with autism and related disorders.

 

Neuropsychology & Education Services for Children & Adolescents (NESCA) is a pediatric neuropsychology practice and integrative treatment center with offices in Newton, Massachusetts, Plainville, Massachusetts, and Londonderry, New Hampshire, serving clients from preschool through young adulthood and their families. For more information, please email info@nesca-newton.com or call 617-658-9800.

 

To book an appointment with Dr. Yvonne Asher, please complete our Intake Form today. For more information about NESCA, please email info@nesca-newton.com or call 617-658-9800.