By Luisa Hernandez Medellin, Psy.D., PMH-C
Pediatric Neuropsychologist, NESCA
I have three children, ages 7, 13, and 20. I have seen most consoles from the past two decades, from the Wii U to the PS5, including a couple of Nintendo DS versions and X-Boxes. I have purchased Minecraft swords, mini kitchens, baby dolls, Little People, tablets, costumes, skateboards, Rubik’s Cubes, bikes, Pokémon cards, Ninja Turtles, makeup sets, Robux, Battle passes, and phones. And every year, I get the same mixed feelings about the value of gifts, their meaning, and their purpose, especially when it comes to electronics.
As a pediatric neuropsychologist, I want my children to get toys and games that are fun and instill curiosity and creativity. I want their gifts to encourage them to learn new skills, go outside, and play with other kids, but I also understand that some of the skills they learn now will be different from the ones we learned as we grew up.
Online group games can teach kids how to play as a team, communicate with others, assign and/or accept roles, strategize, and reach a common goal. Supervised and monitored by adults, video games can also teach them discipline, limits, and boundaries. How? Because even if they are teenagers, our kids need to learn that using electronics is a privilege, not a right. They need to be monitored regarding the content of their games, their online conversations, and the impact of their actions in the digital world. To use their devices, parental controls must be enabled, and their game’s rating must be appropriate for their age. Their Discord account – if allowed one – must be accessible to the parents for them to check it as needed. The older they get, the “spicier” the conversations. But that also opens the door to having more thoughtful and meaningful conversations with them about cyberbullying, racism, discrimination, sexting, and pornography, as well as where you stand regarding family values, ethics, morals, and life in general.
The same is true of phone use and social media. Research says that having access to social media before the age of 16 has a major negative impact on self-esteem, body image, and mental health – especially in girls – as unfortunately, the algorithms feed them negative ideas and unrealistic expectations about their bodies, as well as relationships, making them more prone to depression and anxiety. While the emotional effects on boys are typically not as severe, the free access to the virtual world tends to expose them to sex, pornography, drugs, and aggressive content earlier, if social media is not supervised.
Therefore, if you ask me, and all the other concerned parents and social scientists, I would not recommend giving kids a smartphone until they are 12-13, depending on their level of maturity and the level of honest communication with each other. And once they have one, the apps downloaded to their phones must be approved by their parents (both iPhones and Androids let you create that set-up). Likewise, their access to YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat, etc., must continue to be monitored by parents until they are adults. The misuse of devices and social media should have consequences and must not be taken lightly. If, as a parent or caregiver, you would not allow certain behavior or vocabulary in person, it should not be allowed in the virtual world either.
Here are other factors to consider when deciding when your child is ready for a smartphone:
- Child’s maturity: Assess your child’s responsibility, self-control, and ability to handle the device’s features and potential social pressures.
- Need for communication: Consider if the child needs a phone for safety and communication due to independence (e.g., biking to school, after-school activities).
- Alternatives to a smartphone: Before getting a smartphone, consider alternatives like a basic phone or a smartwatch with tracking and communication features but without internet access.
- Wait Until 8th pledge: A movement called “Wait Until 8th” encourages parents to delay giving children smartphones until at least eighth grade, with the support of other families to reduce peer pressure.
Now, for the younger ones, I also have a word of caution for the use of tablets and other devices. Research shows that children under two should not be “plugged” into a tablet, as it reduces socialization time and may affect language development. With supervision, including limiting the time of use, after age four, children could use it for specific educational games and to watch videos for short periods. All tablets allow you to set up parental controls as to what they can do/watch, and for how long, so parents… learn to use them. And please, make sure you do not set up an Apple account/number with free texting or FaceTime on your child’s tablet, as it would pretty much work the same way as giving them a smartphone.
I once read that the best holiday gift a child can get is the one that comes accompanied by a caring adult – and I think that is still true for all electronics. The world we grew up in no longer exists, and this era requires involved parents who are willing to learn, guide, set limits, and model responsibility and integrity while having fun with the new technologies at hand.
About the Author
As a bilingual pediatric neuropsychologist, Dr. Hernandez Medellin conducts comprehensive and culturally sensitive neurodevelopmental and neuropsychological assessments, comprehensive diagnostic evaluations, and effective care plans, providing appropriate recommendations for the client’s school, home, and the community. She specializes in the identification and assessment of neurodevelopmental disorders such as Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, developmental and learning disorders, and their co-occurrence with anxiety and mood disorders. She also works with children and young adults with acquired brain injuries, epilepsy, brain tumors, strokes, general medical conditions, and genetic disorders affecting the nervous system. She is a native Spanish-speaker, passionate about serving the eclectic and vibrant South Florida community, as well as international patients looking for high-quality and compassionate care.
To book evaluation services at NESCA in Coral Gables, Florida, complete NESCA’s online intake form.
To book a neuropsychological evaluation or other services at NESCA’s New England offices, complete NESCA’s online intake form.
NESCA is a pediatric neuropsychology and related services practice with offices in Newton, Plainville, and Hingham, Massachusetts; Londonderry, New Hampshire; the greater Burlington, Vermont region; and Miami/Coral Gables, Florida, serving clients from infancy through young adulthood and their families. For more information, please email info@nesca-newton.com or call 617-658-9800.
M.A. from Antioch New England in Applied Psychology. She also worked as an elementary school counselor and school psychologist for 15 years before embarking on her doctorate. During her doctorate, she did her pre-doctoral internship with RIT in Rochester, N.Y. where she worked with youth ages 5-17 who had experienced complex developmental trauma. Dr. Hess’s first post-doctoral fellowship was with The Counseling Center of New England where she provided psychotherapy and family therapy to children ages 5-18, their families and young adults. She also trained part-time with a pediatric neuropsychologist conducting neuropsychological evaluations.
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