social pragmatics

By: Renee Cutiongco Folsom, Ph.D.
Pediatric Neuropsychologist

It is graduation time again. Graduation speeches usually include a portion where the graduates thank their parents, siblings, friends, and teachers for their success. Most of the time they also thank coaches, mentors, and counselors for their accomplishments. Listening to them takes me back to my own graduation experience where I credited part of my success to people who came alongside me to mentor and support me through the various stages of my development. The encouragement and feedback provided by these mentors shaped me in ways that I would not have gotten simply by sitting in the classroom or reading books. The role of mentors is also important, and I should say more so, for children and adolescents who are on the autism spectrum.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a developmental disorder that manifests in problems with social communication and interaction, and in the presence of repetitive, restricted behaviors that significantly impact functioning. Children and young people with ASD usually have problems with what are called social pragmatic skills – those skills that are necessary for knowing how to act in social situations, reading social cues, and conducting back-and-forth conversation with others. Some persons with ASD have a hard time appreciating the unwritten “rules” of social engagement, for example, that you should look at a person you are talking to, smile, and nod occasionally to signify that you are paying attention and interested in what other people are saying. It is difficult for persons with ASD to read subtle cues and “feel” the room to know how to react to certain dynamics. Appreciating sarcasm or humor could be difficult for them. These skills are often the hardest to “teach” a child or adolescent with ASD because of the complex and dynamic nature of social interactions. Also, these are skills that come naturally or instinctively for many of us, so it is hard to break down interactions and make subtle behaviors (e.g., eye contact, nonverbal cues, gestures) more salient. This is where an older sibling or a mentor – a camp counselor, a coach, or a tutor – could be a wonderful resource for teaching these skills to a young person with ASD. Have you ever had a camp counselor model for you how to react when you are introduced to a new person? Maybe you had a coach hang out with you after a game to model how to engage in back-and-forth conversation and listen to other people’s interests. These mentoring relationships are a good venue for practicing skills that may have been taught to the person with ASD in the context of a formal speech/language therapy session or in the classroom. Indeed, I have found over the years that children and adolescents with autism and have older siblings or mentors do better in these social pragmatic skills than those without this kind of guidance.

Beyond teaching social pragmatic skills, mentors also provide guidance about practical everyday decisions. Has an older sibling ever given you feedback about how your top does not match your pants? Or that you should slow down eating that burger because you are such a messy eater? You may have had an older friend who has shared with you how they navigated dating. Teenagers, not only those with autism, are usually more open to receiving such feedback or information from those who are a little older than they are as opposed to older adults or parents because of wanting to develop their own personalities apart from parents. Therefore, for these young people I usually recommend having a mentor who is a little older than they are who can serve as a friend/mentor/model.

Many skills that are crucial in navigating social situations – how to behave appropriately, how to make friends, how to be a good team member – are usually learned in the context of organic relationships, such as a mentoring relationship, as opposed to a classroom lesson because the interaction itself is the “content” of the instruction. The mentor must be reminded, though, to be more intentional in modeling/teaching these social pragmatic skills to the client.

There is no better way of learning how to be a good and caring friend than to experience having a friend come alongside you to show you how it is done. As my favorite singer, James Taylor, sings, “Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend?”

About the Author

Dr. Renee Cutiongco Folsom, Ph.D. has been working with families in the greater Boston area since 2015. Prior to this, she was on staff at Johns Hopkins University and trained at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). She provides comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations of children, adolescents, and young adults who have learning, behavioral, and socio-emotional challenges. Her areas of expertise include Autism Spectrum Disorder and other conditions that usually co-occur with this diagnosis; Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder; Dyslexia and other Specific Learning Disabilities; and Anxiety/Depression. She thinks that the best part of being a pediatric neuropsychologist is helping change the trajectory of children’s lives.

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NESCA is a pediatric neuropsychology practice and integrative treatment center with offices in Newton, Plainville, and Hingham, Massachusetts; Londonderry, New Hampshire; the greater Burlington, Vermont region, and Brooklyn, NY, serving clients from infancy through young adulthood and their families. For more information, please email info@nesca-newton.com or call 617-658-9800.