By Yvonne M. Asher, Ph.D.
As we enter the beginning of 2021, the COVID-19 pandemic continues to shape our world. More and more, events, activities and interactions are pushed online – onto videoconferencing apps, social media and academic learning platforms. Online social interactions are not new, and they won’t disappear anytime soon. With this, how do we, as adults, understand and navigate these oddly draining electronically-mediated gatherings, and how do we help our teens do the same?
One unique characteristic of online interaction is the ability to be present without being visible. In traditional social settings, to be present with the group is to be seen and, often times, noticed. Joining a Zoom or Google Meet offers one the ability to listen, watch and take the information presented without offering anything of yourself – no one has to see you, hear you, know where you are or know what you are doing. As many adults have noticed, this gives incredible freedom to the multi-taskers – listen to your meetings while getting the dishes done or the laundry folded.
For some adolescents, though, this is an opportunity to bypass many of the core tasks of social development, while still engaging with the material needed to accomplish one’s academic goals. A high schooler, acutely aware of how they are perceived and what others think of them, can sit silently, invisibly in social studies class. They can hone in on the economic impacts of World War I without the crushing anxiety of worrying about being teased or ostracized. However, that same high schooler may never have to confront the developmentally-expected challenges of venturing out of their “comfort zone” socially. They may not learn to ask someone out on a date, explore a new friendship or show up to the first meeting of a club.
How can we help our teens learn to take the best from online interactions while also pushing them to fully engage with others? There is no one, clear-cut answer – no “10 things…” or similar checklist. In any situation, we must look holistically at the teen, the context and the goals, and, from there, determine the best path forward. Sometimes, the anonymity of the online world is a welcome respite for teens looking to explore a new facet of their identity. Other times, it undercuts the core tasks of adolescence – building deep bonds with peers, taking responsibility for one’s social relationships and developing independence. Having direct, open conversations with our teens helps them understand and begin to own the challenges of the online world. If cameras are always off and microphones are always on mute, maybe it is time for a chat about participation versus observation.
About the Author
Dr. Yvonne M. Asher enjoys working with a wide range of children and teens, including those with autism spectrum disorder, developmental delays, learning disabilities, attention difficulties and executive functioning challenges. She often works with children whose complex profiles are not easily captured by a single label or diagnosis. She particularly enjoys working with young children and helping parents through their “first touch” with mental health care or developmental concerns.
Dr. Asher’s approach to assessment is gentle and supportive, and recognizes the importance of building rapport and trust. When working with young children, Dr. Asher incorporates play and “games” that allow children to complete standardized assessments in a fun and engaging environment.
Dr. Asher has extensive experience working in public, charter and religious schools, both as a classroom teacher and psychologist. She holds a master’s degree in education and continues to love working with educators. As a psychologist working in public schools, she gained invaluable experience with the IEP process from start to finish. She incorporates both her educational and psychological training when formulating recommendations to school teams.
Dr. Asher attended Swarthmore College and the Jewish Theological Seminary. She completed her doctoral degree at Suffolk University, where her dissertation looked at the impact of starting middle school on children’s social and emotional wellbeing. After graduating, she completed an intensive fellowship at the MGH Lurie Center for Autism, where she worked with a wide range of children, adolescents and young adults with autism and related disorders.
Neuropsychology & Education Services for Children & Adolescents (NESCA) is a pediatric neuropsychology practice and integrative treatment center with offices in Newton, Massachusetts, Plainville, Massachusetts, and Londonderry, New Hampshire, serving clients from preschool through young adulthood and their families. For more information, please email firstname.lastname@example.org or call 617-658-9800.