By: Cynthia Hess, PsyD
Pediatric Neuropsychologist
Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by setting unrealistically high standards for oneself and striving for flawlessness. It often includes having idealized goals that are unrealistically ambitious. Many factors contribute to the development of perfectionism. Living in a culture that values achievement, especially in academics, sports, or arts, and messaging on social media that amplifies idealized standards have contributed to increased anxiety and perfectionism in vulnerable individuals. While striving for excellence can be a positive motivator, perfectionism often leads to negative consequences such as fear of failure, procrastination, and an inability to cope with setbacks.
Perfectionism in children and adolescents can develop due to a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Parents with high expectations may unintentionally display criticism and signal that love and approval are conditional on success. Or they become overly involved, shielding their child from failure, discomfort, or risk, even when age-appropriate, and intervening in conflicts, homework, or responsibilities that the child could reasonably handle themselves. Peer comparison, amplified by social media, may also contribute to perfectionism, causing children to feel they must meet unrealistic standards to fit in. Moreover, some children may have a natural predisposition toward conscientiousness, making them more vulnerable to developing perfectionism. They may also have a heightened sensitivity to failure or a strong desire for structure and predictability, leading to perfectionistic tendencies.
While perfectionism can foster determination, high standards, and resiliency, it becomes problematic when the young person experiences adverse effects, such as an unusually intense fear of making mistakes, leading to procrastination or over-checking, rigid thinking, and an overwhelming desire for control, predictability, and the avoidance of uncertainty. The individual may over-commit to activities or struggle with feelings of inadequacy despite their achievements. Perfectionism and anxiety are closely linked, as the drive to achieve flawlessness or meet impossibly high standards is often fueled by fear and worry. Additionally, perfectionism is associated with an increased risk of obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and stress.
Intervening to address perfectionism in children is crucial when it begins to negatively impact their well-being, hindering rather than supporting their growth and development. Look for signs such as excessive self-criticism, procrastination stemming from fear of failure, rigid adherence to rules, an inability to tolerate mistakes or overwhelming anxiety related to performance. Intervention should focus on fostering a growth mindset, emphasizing effort and progress over outcome. Encourage self-compassion by helping the child understand that mistakes are inevitable and valuable learning opportunities. Collaborate with them to set realistic and flexible goals, breaking down large tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Parents and educators play a vital role in creating supportive environments that value learning and resilience, praising effort and persistence rather than solely focusing on achievement. If perfectionism significantly impacts the child’s daily life or mental health, a thorough evaluation and professional guidance from a therapist or counselor is recommended. Early intervention and a supportive, understanding approach can empower children to navigate challenges, embrace imperfections, and develop a healthier relationship with achievement.
About the Author
Dr. Cynthia (Cindy) Hess conducts neuropsychological evaluations as a pediatric neuropsychologist at NESCA. Dr. Hess enjoys
working with children and young adults with complex emotional and behavioral profiles. She is skilled at evaluating social and emotional challenges as well as a range of learning profiles. Her experience allows her to guide families in understanding the supports and services their child requires to be successful in school.
To schedule an appointment with one of NESCA’s expert neuropsychologists, please complete our online intake form.
NESCA is a pediatric neuropsychology practice and integrative treatment center with offices in Newton, Plainville, and Hingham, Massachusetts; Londonderry, New Hampshire; and staff in the greater Burlington, Vermont region and Brooklyn, New York, serving clients from infancy through young adulthood and their families. For more information, please email info@nesca-newton.com or call 617-658-9800.
