By Jasmine Badamo, MA
Educational Counselor; Executive Function Tutor
The ability to say “no” and honor your limits is a beautifully powerful skill that we can all benefit from. In a productivity-focused culture where today’s 40-hour work week is roughly equivalent to a 160-hour work week in 1950’s time (read more in Devon Price’s Laziness Does Not Exist), it’s easy to ignore our limits and put pressure on ourselves to perform at an otherworldly capacity.
While life requires all of us to push ourselves at times, it is impossible to work at 100% capacity 100% of the time. And by saying no, or deciding where to strategically place your energy, you leave yourself with the bandwidth and energy needed to be more effective and consistent in the activities that are priorities to you.
This is definitely not the first time you’ve heard these ideas. However, today I’d like to focus on why saying no and honoring your limits can be especially important for neurodivergent individuals.
Neurodiversity is the natural brain diversity that exists within the human population, similar to other forms of human diversity. The terms “neurodivergent,” “neurominority,” or “neurovariant” typically refer to individuals with a brain makeup that falls outside of the statistical majority of human neurotypes. Being a neurominority is not a problem, nor is it something to overcome. However, being a minority often means having to function within a world that is generally not designed by or for you.
Because of this, neurodivergent individuals are often implicitly or explicitly taught to modify their thoughts and actions to better fit their environment. Instead of being able to honor their individual needs and boundaries, they are frequently asked to push themselves beyond their limits. While every person—neurodivergent or not—must operate outside their comfort zone at times, for neurodivergent individuals it can become a default way of life. This is exhausting and can result in burnout.
During intake sessions with new clients, I make it a point to clarify that I’m not here to “cure” ADHD, autism, or a learning disability. I’m here to help reduce, and also cope with, the disconnect between the client, their environment, and the activities they are being asked to regularly manage. Together we find ways to make the environment better fit the individual and their needs, and then (and only then) we will implement strategies for navigating the remaining barriers to reaching their goals.
And in order to make the environment better fit the individual, each client needs to figure out what works for them and, most importantly, what does NOT work for them. For some neurodivergent folk, it can be truly ground-breaking to ask themselves, “What about my environment or current activities is not working for me? What can I start to say ‘no’ to?” It’s an important step in learning more about yourself and how your brain works, and what is sustainable for you (not someone else).
This can be hard, especially if your productivity or ability to “keep up” with others has become a pattern—or even a part of your identity. Learning to say no and to let go of not only what others regularly ask of you, but also what you have become accustomed to asking of yourself, takes time, patience, and practice.
Remember, you wouldn’t begrudge a cactus for wilting if it were asked to constantly absorb more water than its capacity, or if it didn’t get the amount of sun it required. And once you provide that cactus with the specific and appropriate external conditions, it will be able to flourish and show the world all the unique beauty it has to offer.
All of this is much easier said than done, but one of the most rewarding aspects of my job is being able to join clients as they learn how to work with their brains, accept their specific way of being in the world, and start to say no to the rest.
To read more on this topic:
https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Laziness-Does-Not-Exist/Devon-Price/9781797120591
If your child, teen, or young adult needs support in this realm, complete our online Intake Form to learn more about NESCA’s Executive Function and Real-life Skills Coaching.
About the Author
Jasmine Badamo, MA, is an educational counselor and executive function coach who works full-time at NESCA supporting students ranging
from elementary school through young adulthood. In addition to direct client work, Ms. Badamo provides consultation and support to parents and families in order to help change dynamics within the household and/or support the special education processes for students struggling with executive dysfunction. She also provides expert consultation to educators, special educators and related professionals.
Ms. Badamo is a New York State Certified ENL and Special Education teacher. She has more than 10 years of teaching experience across three countries and has worked with students and clients ranging in age from 7 to adulthood. She earned her bachelor’s degree in Biological Sciences from Cornell University and her master’s degree in TESOL from CUNY Hunter College. She has also participated in graduate coursework focusing on academic strategies and executive function supports for students with LD, ADHD, and autism as part of the Learning Differences and Neurodiversity (LDN) certification at Landmark College’s Institute for Research and Training. In addition to being a native English speaker, Ms. Badamo is also conversationally fluent in verbal and written Spanish.
Having worked in three different New York City public schools, Ms. Badamo has seen firsthand the importance of executive function skills in facilitating student confidence and success. Her coaching and consultation work focuses on creating individualized supports based on the specific needs and strengths of each client and supporting the development of metacognition (thinking about one’s own thought processes and patterns), executive function skills, and independence. She will guide clients to generate their own goals, identify the barriers to their goals, brainstorm potential strategies, advocate for support when needed, and reflect on the effectiveness of their applied strategies.
Ms. Badamo is a highly relational coach. Building an authentic connection with each client is a top priority and allows her to provide the best support possible. Additionally, as a teacher and coach, Ms. Badamo believes in fostering strong collaborations with anyone who supports her clients including service providers, classroom teachers, parents, administrators, and community providers.
To book executive function coaching with Jasmine Badamo or another EF or Real-life Skills Coach at NESCA, complete NESCA’s online intake form.
NESCA is a pediatric neuropsychology practice and integrative treatment center with offices in Newton and Plainville, Massachusetts, Londonderry, New Hampshire, and Burlington, Vermont, serving clients from preschool through young adulthood and their families. For more information, please email info@nesca-newton.com or call 617-658-9800.
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extensive experience working with children and adolescents with a range of learning and social/emotional abilities. Kristen’s strengths lie in her communication and advocacy skills as well as her strengths-based approach. She is passionate about developing students’ self-awareness, goal-setting abilities, and vision through student-centered counseling, psychoeducation, social skills instruction, and executive functioning coaching. Mrs. Simon has particular interests working with children and adolescents on the Autism spectrum as well as individuals working to manage stress or anxiety-related challenges.
before starting her doctorate. In this role, she developed extensive expertise and aptitude for working with individuals and groups struggling with a wide range of emotional and learning challenges.
staff at Johns Hopkins University and trained at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). She provides comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations of children, adolescents, and young adults who have learning, behavioral, and socio-emotional challenges. Her areas of expertise include Autism Spectrum Disorder and other conditions that usually co-occur with this diagnosis; Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder; Dyslexia and other Specific Learning Disabilities; and Anxiety/Depression. She thinks that the best part of being a pediatric neuropsychologist is helping change the trajectory of children’s lives.
meaningful skills in order to reach their goals. She has spent the majority of her career working in a private school for students with ASD. She has also spent some time working in an inpatient mental health setting. Lyndsay uses occupation-based interventions and strategies to develop life skills, executive functioning, and emotional regulation. While completely her doctoral degree at MGH Institute of Health Professions, Lyndsay worked with the Boston Center for Independent Living to evaluate transition age services. She uses the results from her research to deliver services in a way that is most beneficial for clients. Specifically, she focuses on hands-on, occupation-based learning that is tailored the client’s goals and interests.
research and academia for over 30 years. She is a national consultant and speaker on program design and the inclusion of children and adolescents with special needs, especially those diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Prior to joining NESCA, Ms. Lucci was the Principal of the Partners Program/EDCO Collaborative and previously the Program Director and Director of Consultation at MGH/Aspire for 13 years, where she built child, teen and young adult programs and established the 3-Ss (self-awareness, social competency and stress management) as the programming backbone. She also served as director of the Autism Support Center. Ms. Lucci was previously an elementary classroom teacher, special educator, researcher, school psychologist, college professor and director of public schools, a private special education school and an education collaborative.
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